Since my decision a few weeks ago, I’ve been having all sorts of emotional and social challenges. Lots of grief from la familia for my decision. Debates with my husband about the significance and roles of a Latina mother both traditionally and “la nueva” tradition of today. Pangs of guilt every time I look into my beautiful girl’s eyes. Thoughts of jealousy felt towards her future daycare (las abuelas) who will have the pleasure of experiencing a lot of my daughter’s firsts before I do.
I hit the net for resources and advice about what I’m experiencing and came up short. Besides a few articles and forums acknowledging that the experience can be emotional and will likely be difficult (really?), I didn’t find what I was looking for: Other Latina mamis who are feeling the same way and might have advice on how to cope. Or at least exchange war stories with me so that I can keep on truckin’. (No, I didn’t take a trucking job. I’m the queen of clichés.)
I figure this is going to be a bumpy road.
With that comes hardship and journaling helps.
And so here goes…
I’m writing about my journey through this as a Latina mother. Examples: I want my daughter to be bilingual. How will my decision affect her learning progress and what tools are there out there for me to use though I’ll be at work? How will I deal with my suegra every time she zings me with her “unfit” mother comments? How do I tell my day-time mami’s group that I am jumping ship to go back to corporate? Will I lose my stay-at-home mami friendships? How do I find other mamis in my situation? How do I manage my time between work, home, baby, husband and me time? How do I continue my quest to make healthy puerto rican food?
If anyone is reading this and has answers or stories for me, please feel free to comment. I know writing about my experiences will help keep me sane at the very least. If you care to lend me your ear, I so appreciate it. I’m here to listen if you need mine.
The future is uncertain for this Mami that Works.